Shamlessly ripped from http://forums.riftgame.com/general-discussions/off-topic/304394-guide-managing-wife-agro-aka-spouse-agro.html
But some good tips.
A guide to managing Wife Agro (aka Spouse Agro)
Few guides exist on The Wife, yet it is most overpowered uber-boss you will come across, approaching god-like status. She provides many blessings, but once you attract Agro, she can make your game-play challenging (at best). Wives remain a mystery to most players as the Devs have been very sketchy with information, leaving it to players to identify boss mechanics through trial and error.
Whilst I do not claim to be an expert on the matter, I thought Iíd do the community a favor by creating a guide based on my experience and the little literature out there on the topic.
The Wife is unique for every instance, so there is not one winning strategy. Youíll need to empirically identify what works best for you. The best the community can provide is some tips and tricks. Furthermore, other than any other bosses youíll encounter in Telara, this is one fight you cannot win. If The Wife attacks, itíll generate a drop in your stats at best. More probably, youíll get wiped and in extreme case forever banned from Telara (not a shred of your soul left, I kid you not).
Like most bosses, you will have different phases with different mechanics. All mechanics of previous phases are also used in the following phases, with additional mechanics coming into play. Phases are determined by agro level. At 100% you reach the [All Consuming Fury] phase, which is an instant wipe. Your goal is to keep agro as close as possible to the 0% level.
It is very important to keep in mind that Wives have incredible radius. Once she picks up agro, agro can keep building up whilst she has no LOS, even when sheís miles away.
Phase 1: 0% - 10% agro levels
This is a permanent buff Wives have. It allows them to sense what youíre up to without requiring LOS. Once the Wife has sensed your presence, you are at risk attracting agro.
[Sixth Sense] cannot be dispelled.
From time to time, and typically only at low level agro levels, Wives will cast [Seduce]. [Seduce] is a blessing, but worth mentioning as the result is that youíll be out-of-combat for a significant amount of time. Both player and The Wife can crit during [Seduce]. If the Wife makes the player crit (very, very high probability) it will take you 8 to 10 hours of recovery time. However, youíll come back to the game with maximum stats. Additionally, if the player make the Wife crit as well, thereís a good chance of Wife agro being reduced as an extra bonus (making The Wife crit does take some practice, but thatís a topic for another guide).
[Seduce] can be interrupted, but results into The Wife transforming into Wife Scorned, a demon providing none of the benefits The Wife provides and with attacks that will be a multitude of The Wifeís attacks, both in range and dps. Hell hath no fury like a Wife Scorned, so avoid this.
Phase 2: 10% - 40% agro levels
[The Look] shoots a cold beam towards the player, creating a stackable buff to threat generation of 5%. LOS is required for this attack. Experienced players will always have focus on The Wife when she approaches so they can identify [The Look] when cast.
[The Look] cannot be interrupted.
[The Look] stacks fade over time (typically an hour per stack), but can be purged as well.
Typically introduced by The Wife emoting something like ďwe need to talkĒ, [The Talk] is a relatively easy attack to deal with. The Wife simply requires both target and focus on her, whilst otherwise not touching the keyboard. If low on agro and sufficiently skilled, the player should be able to finish a raid, warfront or dungeon-run by acknowledging [The Talk] whilst the Wife remains on stand-by. If the player is in a safe environment, it is best to simply engage in [The Talk]. A successfully handled [The Talk] will actually bring down agro levels and possibly purge [The look] stacks.
[The Talk] can be interrupted, but doing so will result in a massive 20% increase in agro.
Phase 3: 40% - 70% agro levels
This is a direct attack at higher agro levels. It cannot be interrupted nor can it be avoided, it simply needs to be endured. During the attack itself, the player will be incapacitated, but [The Rant] itself does not provoke any permanent effects. It is however a very clear sign that agro levels are getting to high and need to be managed down.
[The Silent Treatment]
Without question, the most dangerous attack. Even at full awareness, it will take the average player 9 minutes before he realizes heís being subjected to [The Silent Treatment]. Up to then, he actually might believe heís receiving a blessing as during this attack no sound or threatening gesture will be observed coming from the Wife. [The Silent Treatment] can be interrupted by taking hands off of the keyboard, putting both target and focus on the Wife and emoting a [The Talk] (the player says ďHoney, whatís wrong?Ē. Whilst the result might be a [The Rant] it is better to the alternative, as falling to react to a [The Silent Treatment] will increase agro levels by 10 to 30%.
Phase 4: 70% - 100% agro levels
[The Dog House]
[The Dog House] is a spell The Wife casts, depriving the player of part, if not all, of the usual blessings The Wife provides. As such, most players will notice a drop in stats. Additionally, whilst [The Dog House] lasts, it is pretty much open season on the player, exposing him to multiple [The Look], [The Talk], [The Rant] and [The Silent Treatment] attacks. The Wife might even spawn some adds like The Sister-in-Law or The Mother-in-Law all potentially taking [The Look], [The Talk] or [The Rant] potshots at the player. The only upside to [The Dog House] is that the player might actually have more playtime as he might be banished out of non-Telara zones like The Bedroom. Still, [The Dog House] is something you will want to dispel as soon as possible, which can only be done by actively managing Wife agro down.
[All Consuming Fury]
[All Consuming Fury] is an attack every sane person will want to avoid. It is invoked at 100% of Wife agro. This attack hits you like a space-shuttle and will smother you to a whining puddle of drab. It is non-dispellable, non-interruptible and non-avoidable. On top of that, there are several additional spells that can be unleashed during [All Consuming Fury] like [Packed Suitcases], [Flying Stuff], [Lash Of The Power Cord], [Keyboard Across Face], [Feign Banish], [Banish], Ö All very, very unpleasant things which we really donít want to dwell upon. Letís just say that if you get to this stage, playtime will be the least of your concerns. Just surrender and negotiate terms (i.e. humbly accept whatever bone The Wife is still willing to throw you).
Recommended Player Tactics
The player attempts to polymorph The Wife into a player. This doesnít work on all Wives, but if it does, no more Wife to worry about as long as it lasts. Definitely worth a try. Be careful though, at any point in time The Wife can re-appear, although typically with little or no agro.
Casting time: varies greatly, from 1 hour to weeks (even months)
Cooldown: varies greatly, from 1 hour to weeks
Simple Permanent buff decreasing The Wife agro by 10%. If The Wife has the [Respect] as well, this buff evolves into [Mutual Respect] which decreases The Wife agro by 20%. Make sure you always have this up as [Respect] alone will avoid being subjected to the [All Consuming Fury] and [Mutual Respect] is almost enough to avoid ever getting into phase 4.
Cooldown: 10 mins
Hugging the boss is typically used to avoid ranged damage, but in the case of The Wife, it actually decreases agro. A successful [Cuddle] will decrease agro by up to 5%. Iíd recommend casting [Cuddle] 4 times a day as a preventive measure. In order to cast [Cuddle] both target and focus need to be on The Wife.
Casting time: 30 sec to 2 mins
Cooldown: 30 mins
Pro-tip: Experience shows that in order to cast a successful [Cuddle] you need to be a couple of minutes out of the fight. Casting a [Cuddle] with blood-dripping daggers during a brief break in the middle of a raid will likely fail and might actually be countered by an attack.
Stock up on drinks and spend an evening with full focus on The Wife. This should remove agro levels by 20% to 30% and should prevent agro generation for the next 24 hours. I recommend casting [Cozy Evening] twice a week.
Casting time: 8 hours
Cooldown : 24 hours
Pro-tip: Whilst casting [Cozy Evening] you can cast other spells as well! Spam [Cuddle] and if you feel lucky try to cast [Seduce] as well.
There are a number of [Chore]ís that can be cast with varying casting time. Casting [Chore] will typically decrease agro levels by 5 to 30% and prevent Wife agro levels building up for a time period which is a multiple of the casting time of said [Chore].
A couple of examples, assuming a multiple of 4:
[Putting Out Trash] with a casting time of 15 mins will give you 1 hour agro protection
[Cook Meal] with a casting time of 1 hour will give you 4 hours agro protection
[Clean House] with a casting time of 3 hour will give you 12 hours agro protection
Please note that the [Chore] multiplier is again one of the devís secrets and is believed to vary from Wife to Wife. You need to determine it empirically.
Cooldown : None
[Surrender Credit Card]
Every decent build requires a couple of skills to use during those ďOMG, panicĒ situations. Casting [Surrender Credit Card] is going to cost you a decent amount of plat, but it does make The Wife go away for a couple of hours, providing you with the breather you need to get your act together.
Casting time: instant
Cooldown : 1 month
Pro-tip: Casting [Surrender Credit Card] during a Annual Sales event is a lot cheaper!
This skill is even more expensive than [Surrender Credit Card]. Just like saving for that killer mount or gathering plat and mats for crafting the raid-equivalent gear, you need to plan ahead for this one and save for months. Additionally, this spell has a long casting time. But itís all worth it as The Wifeís agro levels drop to zero, you get agro immunity for a day or two and youíll come back to the game with maximum stats .
Casting time: 3 days to 3 weeks
Cooldown : 1 month
Non-recommended Player Tactics
Even though I strongly recommend experimenting with your Wife, a number of tactics have proven to have minimal chances of success or unbalanced risk/reward returns. This section is meant to point out pitfalls when adopting other strategies.
The idea is to use [Stealth] mode to explore Telara unnoticed to The Wife. It requires rapid use of the Alt-Tab key combination, volume control, and engaging in one of your primary or secondary professions quickly as a diversion technique when The Wife approaches.
Pitfalls: Most Wives have well developed [Sixth Sense], negating player [Stealth] skills. Additionally, using [Stealth] will likely drop [Respect] and [Mutual Respect] buffs of both player and The Wife. Some high tolerant Wives might tolerate [Stealth], but even then I donít think itís worth losing [Respect] and [Mutual Respect] buffs. Less tolerant Wives will agro instantly when [Stealth] is detected.
The ultimate form of [Stealth] is [Feign Death], tricking The Wife into believing the player left The Real World so the player can spend days on end in Telara, hiding in a friends basement or in a tree hut.
Pitfalls: All the ones mentioned in [Stealth]. Furthermore, this spell requires a casting time of 3 months! Logistically this is very complex to execute. And finally, there'll be hell to pay when you come out of [Feign Death]. So unless you want to [Stay Dead], do not try this!
[Talk 2 The Hand] and [C If I Care]
[Talk 2 The Hand] and [C If I Care] are buffs making the player immune to [The Look], [The Talk] and in some cases even higher level attacks.
Pitfalls: This buff creates a feed-back loop of increasing agro. The Wife will simply use stronger and stronger attacks to offload agro. If kept up until [All Consuming Fury], the player will be wiped. Obviously, your [Respect] buff is dropped as well when casting [Talk 2 The Hand] or [C If I Care]. Whilst we all might be tempted to occasionally though up this buff during a particularly intense raid, know that serious damage control might be required afterwards.
The player banishes The Wife.
Pitfalls: This I no laughing matter. Whilst The Wife might have frustrating mechanics, making game-play occasionally difficult, Telara will be empty and grey without The Wife. More importantly, whilst not a focus of this guide, The Wife provides numerous blessings (like [Feed the Flock], [Soulmateís Blessing], [Romance], [Tender Moments] ...) which the player will forfeit when casting [Divorce]. It will also cost you a wagon load of plat.
I hope this guide is of some use. This guide can also be used for mini-bosses youíll encounter whilst leveling like The Girlfriend or The Fiancťe. Whilst some of the mechanics are the same, the advanced mechanics only come into play when you get to The Wife.
Those of you that managed a permanent [Convert]: Good job and kudos. You'll never have the ultimate satisfaction of mastering the advanced agro management techniques described above, but I'm sure you'll get in more uninterrupted time. For those operating without Wife, Husband or Significant Other, I can only assume you're too low a level, a noob, or a gold farmer not willing to take that risk. You donít know what youíre missingÖ